you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
