i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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