I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
