A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
