it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
