I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
