I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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