people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
