If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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