you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
