Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
