man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
