apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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