Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
