my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
