it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is my gift to your gina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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