guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
