I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
