yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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