the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
