the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
