I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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