You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
