fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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