i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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