You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
