It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
