come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
