matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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