Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
