Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
