did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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