Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
