If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
