Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
