We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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