dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
