I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
