When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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