It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
