I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
