he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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