Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What a dumb baby whore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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