I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
