I am in a vortex of obligation.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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