Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
