I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
