I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
