So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
