I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
