i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So vagazzling was a success
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
