I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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